My very Descriptive writing...

Hey bloggers, I'm back!

Today I am going to be blogging about a long write which I have written on Tuesday. We always have long writes on Tuesdays and we usually plan first. But I like to get into the writing because I forget my ideas. For writing, we are learning about different types of descriptive words and techniques. We have been learning how to write in present tense using similes, personification and also metaphors. 

First, we learnt about how to write in present tense and we tried to write some more about a story that either one if our teachers started or someone started. I am going to be sharing that and also I'll be sharing my long write that I did on Tuesday. 

Here is first one! What do you think?

Starting-

The snow falls like soft voices whispering through the walls of my tent. I lie back in my sleeping bag and listen to the dry scratching sounds, watching as grey-blue shadows briefly form on the Gore-Tex and then slither down in a murmur of indistinct, husky rumours. I close my eyes and the sounds swirl around inside the dome of my tent, filtering into my mind like the words silently articulating in my head. I cannot quite make sense of them. I seem to be on the edge of a hundred conversations, confused by a quiet vortex of sounds, all talking to me. It makes me think about avalanches...  It is as if everything is holding its breath, waiting to see whether I will pay attention. Out of tiredness and stupidity I  close my mind to the whispers.

My writing-

Seconds later I open my eyes only to see the tent swinging around. I’m covered in snow and my mind is racing around with questions. I try stopping myself but it’s as if I have been caught in a strong tide that won’t let go of me, holding on with it’s fists. The snow all around is a blanket, wrapping around me. I can’t get out. I try with all my might, but my mind is getting cold and tired. All of the oxygen is escaping as the snow comes in. It’s as if the snow has kicked the oxygen out. Panicked, I plunge myself to the side just in time as the tent opened. The snow goes flushing out trying to take me with it. Racing around, all I see is white, I wonder if I’m in a snow globe getting shaked. The wind is howling loudly outside like angry, alarming, avid wolves. The snow is a beast, not wanting to let go of me. Swerving from side to side, the tent rushes around. My heart drops. I’m in the air. I float around like in water. I keep going higher but that’s when I see the ground rushing toward me. I’ts getting closer and closer bye every second… 

My long write-

Like colourful dots, the flowers are bulging  out of the ground. The fresh smell of flowers hangs around in the air. Slowly, I walk towards the flowers with amazement. There are flowers of every colour. The sky is just as pretty as it is in the evening so the sky is blue with some streaks of orange. The tree’s are a cage, trapping the flowers. Blooming from every way, the flowers are waving in the wind. The flowers smell like a sweet fragrance perfume. I was wondering which way I should go. The leafs let go of the branches and was now gliding in the wind. I followed the leaves. As careful as I can be, I start taking small steps so that I won’t have to squash the flowers.

Everything is quiet and calm here. I wish I could came here every day when I feel down. But I have to visit it often. Not because of sadness but because of the calmness and the nature there. The birds are chirping a tune as the flowers dance from side to side to the music. I kept walking when I see the flowers all end in one line and change into purple and other colours of Tulips. 

The flowers look at me with wide smiles. I feel welcome here. Even the flowers are better than us humans. And yet, we still destroy them to make buildings. I feel angry because of that but then in the middle, there is a flower missing. I go forward and I see a small white tulip growing. It is strange, for a white tulip to be with the yellow tulips. I stare at the white tulip and I smile. It Isn't weird at all. It’s beautiful. 

The white tulip looks at me with dehydration. The other flowers were blocking everything. I get my bottle out and I pour some water gently and carefully making sure not to ruin it. The tulip bolt’s up as it felt the water on its delicate petals. I smile and keep going forward. 

Nothing could go wrong here. There is no one to ruin anything. Or anything to ruin this pacful moment. I find a patch where there were no flowers here. I get down on my back and I admire the sky. I get up and then sit at the edge of the cliff admiring the sun setting on the ocean. The orange stretching out like long fingers trying to grasp something. At the opposite direction, I see the stars coming up and the sky getting a bit darker. 

The sea is as calm as everything else there. Everything there is perfect. I go back. I then admirre the stars as they come up. The sky is now pitch black and the stars shone like diamonds. It was like drawing stars on a blackboard with white chalk. I then have questions flying around my head. What will happen to me now? No, I convince myself to stay calm. As the night grow’s shorter and shorter, the stars then fly away as the sun comes up...     

That's it! I hope you enjoy! I want some feedback on my writing and see what you think! Did you get a clear picture in your head while reading these two? Which one did you think was better?

Until, next time, goodbye!