Very Descriptive writing!

Hey bloggers, I'm back!

Today I am going to be sharing my writing that I did Yesterday with you. For the last couple of weeks, we have been learning about how to write a moment in time. Which is basically when you write a descriptive story but it has to be in Present Tense which can sometimes be a bit hard. 

I found that part tricky at first but then I got better and better. Yesterday, we the topic that we were writing about was 'the Marketplace' and we had to write something in present tense which included our senses and it had to be able to create a picture in the reader's mind.

I have already shared something similar to do this but it was a different story that I wrote like last week maybe or something. But I am going to be sharing my writing that I did yesterday!

I would like some feedback on how to make my writing better!

Does it create a picture in your head? Do I have any errors? Can I improve on anything? What do you think?

Here is my writing, I hope you enjoy! If you have any questions then please ask! Until next time, goodbye!

MY STORY!

The sun is a great ball of fire, shining on the tents of the roofs. The shops were selling all sorts of things. There were bits and bobs, mis-matching things. Each shop is selling something different like some of them were selling pots and pans where as the other is selling vegetables and some big turnips. I walk around the market glancing around myself, trying to take everything in. Everything is just so colourful and beautiful here. 

Sweetness floods into my nose like a great tide, grasping to me. I can smell something very sweet like honey. If I were a cartoon character, then I would be floating and following the scent. Around the corner, I see tons of shops that are selling different types of foods like fries, to cotton candy, popcorn! Yum! My mouth starts watering but I keep going on. I look around and I see something big, blocking out the sun. It is a caste. A bouncy castle to be exact and the kids loved it because they climbed up the bouncy castle like little mice and jumped down screaming like headless chickens. This really makes me laugh.

Munching on some kettle corn, I walk around. The sky is crystal clear and there were no clouds in sight. The popcorn is sweet, salty and savory all at once. It’s like there are fireworks in my mouth, each exploding with a different and unique flavour. Thirst is now overcoming hunger and I am now craving for water. The popcorn tastes like so many different flavours that I had made me very thirsty. Like a simple, small, stale plant, I waited for the water to cool we down. I felt like a dehydrated plant in the middle of a barren wasteland.

Strolling around the shops, I stop because of a melodious voice. I suddenly forget about everything and listen the song, it felt like it is some type of magic, it is beautiful. The song finishes and the audience claps and cheers loudly. They all looked delighted by the slow and calm song. But they are craving for another song. The singer hesitates before the music starts again but only this type it is an upbeat song and everyone stood up and dances around. One of the people who are dancing, reminded me of a cat. They have an expression of a happy cat playing with Yarn. 

Flapping my hair, the warm breeze slaps into me, making me even warmer. The warm breeze automatically turned to a cool refreshing breeze like a light switching on. I can hear high pitched laughs and low pitched laughs. The laughter a cage, imprisoning me. The laughter all around me makes me laugh which then makes me laugh even more because I am laughing at the fact that others were laughing. It felt nice to be somewhere happy. Somewhere safe. And somewhere full of tranquil and wacky.

Debating whether I should stay longer or not, I see a small patch of grass and a small stand there too. Behind the stand, is a little boy who is selling some toys. Stitches were covering the toys and the toys looked worn out, ready to retire. I walked onwards but then a tide of guilt came crashing inside of me. I walk back and buy a toy. It is a Mr Potato which only had an eye, arm and legs. Jumping up in joy, the little boy puts the money in his pocket and I walk on. The sky is now turning into orange as the blue disappears, little by little. I thinks it’s time to go…